12 creative rock climber Christmas gifts that aren’t gear.
Tis the season to combine two things I love – climb and create – with the holiday spirit…complete with quirky, climber Christmas jingles. Interested in one of the 12 days of climber Christmas ornaments for your tree or to use one of the jingles, get in touch! Follow along on Instagram for the newest retired rope art creations.
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Crimpmas, when all through the camp, not a creature was stirring, not even a gnat. The tick marks were placed up the chimney with care, in hopes the next day they too would climb there. The hopefuls were nestled all snug in their bags, while visions of off-widths danced in their heads. Then up near the roof there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my tent to see what’s the matter. Away to the crag I flew like a flash, scrambled over some boulders, and watched with the rest. When, who to my wondering eyes should appear, but Santa soloing what the rest wouldn’t dare. A tear from his eye and a shake of his leg soon gave me to know he had nothing but dread. But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he climbed out of sight, “happy crimpmas to all, and to all the onsight!”
I’m dreaming of a White Christmas
I’m dreaming of a new harness, just like the ones I see pros wear.
Where the leg loops extend, and the waist belt widens, to feel my legs both once again.
Said, I’m dreaming of a new harness, with every pinched nerve in my spine.
May your gear loops be many yet light, and may all your harnesses fit right.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
The Pinch hated climbing! The whole climbing season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. It could be his harness wasn’t on just right. Then the Pinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe it’s his gear that was making him sore. And what happened, then? Well, in Climberville they say, That the Pinch’s small grip grew three sizes that day. And then the true meaning of climbing came through, And the Pinch found the strength of ten fingers, plus two!
12 Days of Christmas
The 12 moves of Crimpmas: 12 Grips a crimping, 11 Soles a smearing, 10 Heals a hooking, 9 Feet a flagging, 8 Hands a jamming, 7 Cams a camming, 6 Barns a dooring, 5 Descender rings, 4 Runout routes, 3 Sketch bolts, 2 Cruxy slabs….And some rope art for my tree.
Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer
Rudolf the redpoint reindeer, always had a send real close, and if you ever saw him, you would probably say “that blows.” All of the other reindeers, used to laugh and call him lame, they never let poor Rudolf, do much other than belay. Then one sendy Christmas Eve, Sharma came to say, Rudolf go for the onsight, it won’t be a flash tonight. Then how the reindeer loved him, as they shouted out with glee, Rudolph the onsight reindeer, he’ll go down in history!
Charlie Brown Christmas
Lucy Van IceMelt: It’s too early. I never ice climb in December. I always wait until January.
Linus Van IceMelt: Sure looks ripe to me.
Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer
My belayer got hungover by too much beer, causing him to drop me from the eave.
You can say there’s no such thing as Karma, but trust me, shortly he, too, will believe.
He’d also been drinking too much eggnog, and we begged him not to go.
But then I saw him belaying from the hammock, now how I decked from up there I do know.
Rockn’ Around the Christmas Tree
Rock climbers around the Christmas tree, let the Christmas spirit ring.
Later we’ll share a lot to drink, and we’ll do some Colorado-ing.
(Coloradoing is climbing to the sparse top of a pine tree until its little branches snap, sending you headlong into the snow below.)
We Three Kings
We three points of protection are, here to help you traverse afar.
Extension, direction, good equalization, hasn’t yet failed me so far.
Oooohhhhhhh….Build your anchors, build them right, and climb lines of beauty’s sight.
Upward leading, still proceeding, guide us through thy perfect climb.
Mary Poppins Chim Chim Cher-ee
Chim-chimney, climb chimneys, chim, chim, cher-ee, a dirtbag is lucky, as lucky can be. Chim-chimney, climb chimneys, chim, chim, cher-oo, good luck will rub off when your home’s a van, too. Chim-chimney, climb chimneys, chim, chim, cher-ee, When a dirtbag is crushing, she’s glad company. No where is there a more happier crew, Than dirtbags when stemming chim-chimneys with you.
Jingle Bells
Jingle cams, jingle cams, jingle all the way.
Oh what fun it is to climb, with a full trad rack of weight.
Dreidel, Dreidel
I love to climb a big wall, of mainly sand and clay.
So when it’s dry and ready, I’ll climb it night and day.
I have not a climber’s body, my legs so short, not thin.
And when I get all tired, I drop and whipper big.
The big wall is a callin’, 30 pitches, we’re all in.
For eight happy days of climbing, belay on, let’s begin.
